Seemingly perfect relationships are not always what they appear to be. You must have witnessed some instances of people breaking up, even though they once loved each other dearly. The popular belief is that if partners want to stay together, a happy ending is guaranteed. But, alas, this is not always the case in real life. We at Bright Side believe that sometimes it is worth asking yourself whether your partner is the right person for you. There are five telltale signs that can help you evaluate your relationship. According to most psychologists, their presence indicates that something about you as a couple is not working the way it should.
Many people tend to say that "Lovers’ tiffs are harmless." Of course, no couple can avoid quarrels altogether. Such altercations are not just inevitable, they’re important for your relationship’s development. But if quarrels become an everyday occurrence, this might be a sign for you to take a serious look at yourself and your partner. The line between a lovers’ tiff and something more damaging is very thin: a sharp comment can provoke a gross insult, which might be just a step away from physical assault. You must try to think in perspective: what will become of you in a few years? And what will your life together be like in 5-10 years’ time, when infatuation is no more and only constant quarrels and insults remain? You should, once again, paint a mental picture of your future with that person and ponder on how it fits with your concepts of family and love.
We often hear that the more jealousy there is in a relationship, the stronger is the love. But, in reality, this isn’t so. Jealousy is destructive and must be kept under control. For example, if your partner accepts someone’s help, this does not mean that he or she is sharing intimate feelings with that person. But many of us appear not to understand this simple truth, preferring to see our loved ones as our property. There are many things in life capable of bringing people closer together, but jealousy can easily destroy it all. Jealousy is really an indicator of our lack of inner confidence. To escape the pain this deficiency of self-confidence brings, we transfer it, targeting our loved ones instead. Jealousy has nothing to do with love. But it has everything to do with dependent relationships. It would seem the conclusion in this case is fairly obvious!
A situation where your beloved goes away to study or work in another country is, most often, extremely harmful to the relationship. The greater the distance between you, the less often you manage to meet in person, and the more accustomed you grow of spending your free time apart. Being a long-distance couple is very hard. After just months of separation, the mental image you have of your partner becomes if not faded, then blurred. No amount of chatting via Skype or Viber nor all the e-mails in the world can replace living together. And even if your love survives, your relationship is practically doomed to failure.
It’s okay to have moments of doubt in a relationship, to give in to cowardice from time to time and get a little bit nervous when contemplating the possibility of marrying your partner for life. But, in a healthy relationship, time always helps to reduce your doubts and fears. The longer you’re together, the less room remains for anxiety. As you gradually discover the traits and qualities your partner possesses, your relationship steers itself towards contentment, not panic. If you feel persistent doubts, this could be a signal that something is amiss in your relationship, or in your inner self. Maybe it’s your past that’s holding you back, making you afraid. Or it could be that something in the relationship itself is nudging you to reconsider your decision. In any case, you shouldn’t ignore these feelings.
"Opposites attract" — surely you’ve heard this phrase many times. But life often decides differently. Your relationship may have been perfect while you were both studying at the same university, but, once you start pursuing your separate careers, you begin spending less and less time together. As a result, your feelings tend to cool. You’ll only be able to build common plans and enjoy happiness together if your outlooks on life coincide. Of course, it’s impossible to find someone whose priorities completely match yours. But you must have largely similar views on such subjects as household planning, distribution of roles within the family, bringing up children, education, and moral values. If your opinions differ radically, it’s no use deceiving yourselves, no matter how strong your love is.
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Take a good long look at your partner: is this really the type of person to build a serious relationship with?
Preview photo credit oleggorbatko Based on materials from culturacolectiva