Have you ever noticed that good people often aren’t well respected? They help others out, they’re patient, they don’t hold grudges, but for some reason they constantly feel upset and lonely. Psychologists believe the reason for this is mistakes in the way such people behave. Bright Side has outlined their reasoning for you with the help of some illustrations.
Needless self-sacrifice
You suppress your own needs for the sake of peace, but the world simply doesn’t notice. And when people offend you, you feel uncomfortable before the guilty party. This approach will inevitably mean that people will upset you over and over again.
Don’t be afraid to tell the world about what you don’t like. It might not cost people anything to meet you halfway. On the other hand, your needless self-sacrifice will not be noticed by anyone at all.
A lack of self-respect
You don’t seem to feel it when people bump into you, or you close your eyes to these little uncomfortable moments. But someone who is rude by nature won’t love or respect you for that. So why are you putting up with it?
If someone behaves in a way that suggests they don’t give a damn about you, it means they really don’t. Don’t look for excuses for rude people. Respect yourself.
Being dependent on the approval of others
People who have a pathological need for approval from others subconsciously give out signals that there’s something wrong with them. And people who others think have something wrong with them are usually avoided by virtually everyone.
Stop waiting for praise. You don’t need to be told you’re a good person to actually be one. And don’t be scared of criticism. People will criticize you at various times for virtually anything you do, for one reason or another. Your opinion of yourself should always rank as the most important.
Searching for the source of problems only within yourself
You automatically believe people are right, except when it comes to yourself. You put the responsibility for what’s going on around you on yourself. No one’s going to thank you for this. But taking advantage of you and making your life even harder might be easier for others under such circumstances.
Searching for those who are in the wrong is a thankless task. Torturing yourself will bring you neither love nor pity from others. It’s better to focus your efforts on finding a solution to the problem.
Boasting
Emphasizing your virtues and begging for respect is the basis for a dependent relationship. In trying to convince those around you that you’re a good person, you’ll end up getting only rejection. Even if you really are a good person.
You can show you’re worth something only by genuinely believing that you are yourself. When you know your own value, you don’t need to prove it to anyone.
A fear of rejection
You don’t want to upset anyone even if it comes at the price of making you unhappy. You pretend everything’s ok to prevent others from worrying that you’re not satisfied. And the result is that you’re very often not satisfied.
Don’t be afraid to say "no." Even the nicest people in the world may try to use you if you allow them to. Help others only when you want to help them.
Being deaf to your own interests
You’ve become accustomed to adjusting to other people’s needs and find it difficult to understand what your own desires really are. You don’t decide for yourself what you do, and instead you take others’ wishes for your own. This is akin to an inability to make decisions and to a taste of helplessness, and it’s far from the true definition of kindness.
Learn to listen to your own desires, and don’t be afraid of offending others. The chances are your fears don’t really have a basis in reality, and it’s always possible to find a compromise.
Not setting a limit on what’s acceptable
You forgive others because it’s easier to do so than to stand up for yourself. When other people show disrespect toward you, you find an excuse for them in your mind.
You need to determine what you consider to be the limits of acceptable behavior. And then don’t let others overstep these boundaries in relation to you. People who allow everything are not respected.
A fear of loneliness
You’re turning your relationship into a cult, sacrificing yourself. And what’s more, you feel comfortable doing so. This may be why bullies, narcissists, and egoists gravitate toward you: because you allow yourself to be used.
You don’t need to choose between your relationship and your own feelings of self-worth. If you’re having to make that choice, then something’s gone wrong. Be brave, and don’t be afraid of change. Think of being alone as being free rather than as loneliness, and then you won’t be alone for long.
Believing that respect needs to be earned
You don’t accept the fact that respect doesn’t have to be the result of actions or behavior. You don’t feel comfortable when your relationship with someone is one of equals because you’re firmly convinced that respect has to be earned. You feel that a person has value only if they’ve given something back.
You don’t need to "buy" love or respect. Learn to simply love and be loved unconditionally, as easily as breathing.
Illustrator: Yekaterina Ragozina for BrightSide.me